they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
