She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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