Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Randomize
