No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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