am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
