I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
