Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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