You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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