Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
