We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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