She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
