how can u be prego again
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
only you would photoshop your dick
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
