Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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