And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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