I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
