Having a random hookup so left but love u
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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