Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I want to fling myself into the sun
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
