just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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