He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
