Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
