why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
