I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
