for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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