im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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