i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
