I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
