I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
PANTIES FOUND
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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