i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
