How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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