clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
