i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
