Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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