Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
