I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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