dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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