How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
