I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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