You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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