you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
