Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
