Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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