I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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