Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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