So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
