How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
