Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
