i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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