we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
