Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
