id be glad to
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Did I show you my penis last night?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
