He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
